Brown Girl Gumbo

If you watch The Tyra Banks Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show, or Today, chances are you’ve seen Dr. Michelle Callahan lend her expertise on relationships, mental health, dating, etc. The incredibly down-to-earth psychologist and dating coach has recently penned her first book, “Ms. Typed: Discover Your True Dating Personality and Rewrite Your Romantic Future,” which provides a hilarious take on the different dating personalities we all have.

From the “Ms. Sex Machine” to the “Ms. Independent” woman, Dr. Michelle gives savvy advice on how to stop sabotaging our relationships and find the mates of our dreams.

Check out our Q&A:
BGG: What made you decide to write “Ms. Typed?”
Dr. Michelle: I talk to a lot of women who are frustrated with their love lives and they want advice on how to change their partners, instead of realizing that the best way to change their romantic future is to change themselves. You can’t control what a man does, but you can control what you do. When you become a happier and healthier person, you attract a happier and healthier partner and relationship. I decide to write Ms. Typed to show women how they get in their own way during their dating relationships and how they sabotage their chances of finding love.

BGG: What do you feel is the biggest mistake women make while dating?
Dr. Michelle: I think one of the biggest mistakes women make while dating is pretending to be someone who they are not and compromising their own integrity and values. That’s exactly what being Ms. Typed is about. It’s about losing yourself in a relationship only to discover that pretending to be someone you aren’t and giving a man any and everything he wants doesn’t work. You can’t beg, borrow or steal to make love work. When you are your true self and let men know who you are, and what you believe in, the men have the choice to stay or move on. You really only want to deal with the ones who are interested in the real you, not the super sexy, fun, casual, no cares, “I’ll do anything for you” type of person many women pretend to be in order to keep a man interested.

BGG: Once a woman realizes that she is “Ms. Typed,” what’s the easiest way for her to break that cycle?
Dr. Michelle: Once a woman takes the quiz and determines that she has been Ms. Typed, she should read the chapter about her dating type and follow the specific advice for her type. Also, women are often more than one type, so she should read the chapters about her other types. If she discovers that the advice is helpful, but that she really needs to change her thinking and a whole lot more, she can use the Ms. Typed Makeover Kit to help her transform her entire life to find her true dating personality and create a healthy foundation for future dating relationships. The Ms. Typed Makeover Kit will walk women through creating a vision for their lives, letting go of what is holding them back, and taking action on all of their dreams and plans.

BGG: Do you think that men are drawn to certain, “Ms. Types?”
Dr. Michelle: Men are attracted to the types that are the nicest and most accommodating to men’s needs like Ms. Second Place, Ms. Mom, Ms. Rose Colored Glasses and Ms. Sex Machine. All of these types place being in a relationship at the top of their list and they usually work very hard to maintain their relationships, even when it works against their own best interest.

BGG: Healthy relationships take work and we know that communication is key, how can women effectively communicate with their mates?
Dr. Michelle: Women should be honest about their feelings, but be careful not to overwhelm their partners by telling too much too soon. When you first start dating someone, you don’t have to tell them all of your dirty laundry, how many sexual partners you’ve ever had, or everything that was wrong with your Ex. When you are in a more serious relationship, try to keep the conversation focused on what you need your partner to do differently, instead of just generally complaining. You shouldn’t have to go on and on to make your point. If you are constantly telling your partner what you need and he isn’t listening or adjusting his behavior, you might be with the wrong person. Be honest and specific, and when things start to get heated, take a break and revisit the topic later. Don’t push things over the line by insisting that you keep talking even when one or both of you is getting really upset.

BGG: What advice do you have for women who believe that they’ll never find a “good man?”
Dr. Michelle: Women may need to redefine what they consider to be a “good” man. Sometimes what we WANT and what we NEED isn’t the same thing. Women often overlook a “good” man who has what they need, but not what they want. Make a list of your relationship wants and needs and see what a difference there is between what is nice to have versus what is absolutely necessary. Also, when women are Ms. Typed, they could meet a “good” man and they would let their “issues” get in the way. Ms. Typed often misses out on Mr. Right because she isn’t ready to be in a relationship. You may know a good man, but your own relationship baggage might be getting in the way of the two of you successfully getting together.

Available at bookstores nationwide for $21.95

How would you describe your dating personality or do you know someone who has a personality dating pattern?

One lucky winner will win a copy of the book! Just leave a comment and a winner will be selected randomly and announced tomorrow.

**Update: The winner of the book is Loc’d & Loaded! Please send me your mailing address info! Congrats!

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